Three weeks ago my partner and I were married on our 38th anniversary. We planned to just go to the courthouse. The State of Florida was forced by the Appellate Court to allow same sex marriages after the bans were overturned, and on January 6, 2015, same sex couples could begin getting married.
My partner and I have lived in the closet our whole lives, so this was a very traumatic decision, even while it was the most exciting and wonderful chance to declare our love and commitment legally. We had set up a Trust to try to protect each other, but now we wanted all the real legal rights married couples have.
There is a 3-day waiting period in Florida, so the week before our anniversary we went to the Court House and waited in line to get our licenses. This is a small town with a small waiting area with three service windows open. They were occupied by two women and one man. When our turn came we were called to the gentleman's window and we assumed the worst. Surprise! Bob was so kind and sincerely happy for us. He chatted with us and explained all the paperwork and how when we came back for the marriage we'd go to the back room and have the ceremony. We were relaxed and happy - Thank you Bob for being a great person!
Next we went to pick out new wedding rings and once again the whole experience was very positive. So by now we are feeling more excited that maybe attitudes really are changing faster than we had so far encountered in our area (it's very southern Republican).
Finally, the day of the wedding is here. We're happy, excited and very emotional. We are doing something we never thought we'd be able to do! Back to the courthouse and get in line. Same arrangement as before with the two ladies and Bob at the windows. But, we don't get Bob, it's one of the ladies. A very pretty lady with her cube all decorated with Christian stuff. We quietly set down, gave her the paperwork, and you could tell she was a little upset, but she processed the paperwork politely with no talking. Then she leaned across her desk and whispered her three lines, we whispered our "I do" and that was my wedding. What happened to the private back room wedding? I was embarrassed, shocked, pissed....you name it! I told myself to calm down, it's what I had been expecting. Just get through it and we are married, no matter what. So, that was it, she says take this to paperwork to Social Security. Off you go....
Okay, I wanted to cry. We discussed how it could have been worse - she was trying to be polite, we rationalized, she was uncomfortable, we made excuses for her.
Now two days later, we are at Social Security, it's a small office again, and we wait maybe 45 minutes till our number is called. All the windows are open, so you can hear everyone's problems as they are served. We go to the window and talk to a lady there. After she looks at the paperwork we gave her she immediately starts yelling at us "Why are you here?" She yells this about 3 times and I told her the County Clerk told us to bring it here. She just keeps yelling, I stand up, get the paperwork, and we just leave.
I did cry. Why did she have to be so mean? Why were both women hostile to us? I don't know either of them, I've never hurt them, but just because I married the person I have loved my whole life, they were threatened and angry.
Do we really have to keep hurting each other because we can? Privilege comes in many shapes and sizes. Look around and you will see it everywhere.