UPDATE: Friday, Oct 27, 2023 · 5:22:02 PM +00:00
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jtg
Anubis continues to rally and get better, but it is not a long-term thing.
his vet says that she is amazed that Anubis is not only alive but improving, and she said “This is not typical”. She expects he will pass in the coming weeks.
Anubis seemed almost back to his condition a couple of weeks ago before this crisis. He is eating and drinking, peeing regularly, grooming himself, walking around, and jumping up on me and purring loudly while obnoxiously pushing his face into my hand for rubs.
I feel it’s like I had lost him, and then against all odds, survived anyway, even if for only a little bit.
This reminds me of my Dad in a coma in 2000 when everyone was telling me Dad would die any moment, and yet he survived for another 15 years.
It’s like after my Mother died, and I had dreams for years in which she appeared telling me that she was back for a while, but had to go away again.
It’s like when Anubis was chased out of the house by Delight’s overactive puppies and he lived as a feral for about four years. During that time I put food on the front porch because the dogs would eat food in the backyard. At one point I didn’t see Anubis for almost a year, and I wondered if he was still alive and it was ferals eating the food. I actually reduced he number of pets I had when I told people how many pets I had. Then to make a long story short, I caught him and brought him inside, and Anubis was back again.
I don’t know how long I have been with Anubis. He still has a massive tumor, but maybe even that may be treatable.
I’m afraid to get my hopes up, but I didn’t anticipate that not only is Anubis still alive, he seems better.
More to come.
#James
UPDATE: Thursday, Oct 26, 2023 · 8:14:56 PM +00:00
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jtg
Anubis is having a good day. He is lying on me and purring loudly. He has eaten, drank water, and pooped a healthy catturd.
He is still sick but I think my constant nursing, hand feeding, and cuddling when he's ready, plus sitting in the sun are having s positive effect.
#jtg
UPDATE: Thursday, Oct 26, 2023 · 3:30:28 PM +00:00
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jtg
This morning I awoke and Anubis was not in his usual place sleeping under my bedroom desk. I found him in the hallway drinking at the pet fountains. He had a very long drink. I moved past him to the bathroom because I couldn’t wait. Usually, when I walk by him he runs off. But because I was slow and careful, he kept drinking. He had a very long drink and then he walked to his litter box and made a big, healthy-looking, poo.
That combined with his increasing appetite and him jumping on me while I slept in my chair the past couple of nights is encouraging.
I was very happy to see that. He’s walking well now and while he still sleeps all day, he seems to be rallying. I don’t think this is permanent, but it’s possible ith how good he seems that the final day may not be right away, but several days, or perhaps weeks.
This reminds me of the Deathwatches of both my parents. My mother’s last weeks were mostly a decline, but then a couple of days before she died, she seemed to rally, got more energetic, and ate more than she had in the prior weeks. Then she died a few days later
In his last fifteen years of life, Dad regularly had near-death experiences, and then rallied and lived for more years.
In 2000, all of my Dad’s doctors told me he would die soon. One doctor told me “In 20 years of practice I’ve never seen a patient in your father’s condition survive” Most people just accept their friend or family is gone and just accept the removal of life support. In my case, I had the head cardiac nurse and head social worker get me in a closed meeting room and told me there was no hope for Dad, I needed to “let go”, I was being selfish, and Dad would not have any kind of quality of life. Yet Dad didn’t die and lived another fifteen years, so I began to think that when a doctor declares a patient's terminal, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don’t think Anubis will have that kind of recovery, but I’m hoping he may last a bit longer than the doctor thinks.
In both cases, as with my late Dad’s, I may be the difference.
In Dad’s case, I was with him in the ICU constantly only going home when I was too tired to continue. I would talk to him, massage his arms, and observe over hours what doctors and nurses who were only with him for minutes didn’t see. I’ll write more about Dad later.
In Anubis’s case, maybe most people with a cat who are told it’s hopeless just accept the professionally declared proclamation. Often that is what is to be done, but I may be the exception in that I have been giving Anubis constant care, hand-feeding him, and just being there, talking to him, petting him, and poking him to make sure he’s still alive.
I do not expect years more, but as long as he seems comfortable, eats, drinks, walks on his own, and keeps jumping on me for rubs and cat food, I’m going to put off euthanasia.
If Anubis lives until Monday, I’ll have to decide to go back to teaching or take more time off.
I’ll have to decide that at the time.
#jtg
UPDATE: Thursday, Oct 26, 2023 · 8:45:11 AM +00:00
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jtg
A thing about a Deathwatch is that there are ups and downs. Tonight Anubis has had a big up.
I fell asleep in my recliner in the living room and awoke about midnight to Anubis jumping on me and purring. I fed him about seven Delectable tubes. I last bought a box of 72 tubes, but those are going to be gone at this rate by tomorrow, so I’ll have to go get more as it has been the only thing Anubis will eat in the past few days.
It seems that my constant attention and hand-feeding Anubis has resulted in an improvement in his physical condition. A few days ago Anubis was losing control of his hind legs and was almost dragging himself around. Now with several days of food and water, he is walking almost normally, normal for him that is as h’s long had problems with his back legs.
It is tempting to think that this is a good sign for the long term. I was so happy that he came to me again tonight. It was a good thing I fell asleep; in this chir instead of going to bed as he would not have crawled on me in bed as all the other cats and especially the dogs dominate the bed, and he has not slept with me in bed since before Delight’s puppies were adult dogs.
It is tempting, but I know this is not a long-term thing. It seems my constant attention to feeding and just being there for Anubis is helping him and probably extending his life a little. That he jumped on me by himself, ate, purred, and then slept on me for a couple of hours tonight is precious to me, even if the ultimate end is coming soon.
#jtg
UPDATE: Thursday, Oct 26, 2023 · 3:12:02 AM +00:00 · jtg
I’m overwhelmed by the flood of love and stories about departed pets, on top of being in a constant state of high anxiety over Anubis.
I will try to get to everyone. I am reading all the comments, and RECing them, but I’m so overwhelmed I don’t know I’ll actually be able to respond to all.
Know I appreciate nd love all of you.
#jtg
UPDATE: Thursday, Oct 26, 2023 · 1:41:27 AM +00:00 · jtg
This afternoon, I took Anubis outside to be in the sun, but it was getting cold and he wasn’t happy, so I let him go and he went straight inside.
Anubis had a long drink at the pet fountain in the hall. Then he went to his litterbox and had a long pee. It’s a strange thing to be excited to see my cat pee.
Then I picked him up and held him in my lap while I sat in my lift recliner. He purred. little and he at three full tubes of Delectibles and part of a fourth before he jumped off and went back under my bedroom desk where he’s sleeping now.
I do not know how long even this small level of activity will go on. I anticipate a day or so, but I could be wrong either way.
I’m making arrangements for home euthanasia. I am thinking if he doesn’t die under my desk before then, of taking him out in the afternoon sun to a table I have out there for the final event.
I may start digging a grave for Anubis and my late dog Norman, who died three months after Dad died. I put his body in the freezer and intended to dig his grave next to his 22-year-old mother Lindsey, but I never got around to it.
The soil here is clay and hard and it will take a lot of work and time to dig a hole large enough for both of them.
It makes sense for the two of them to share a grave as they were buddies when Anubis was a kitten and Norman was an old dog.
#jtg
UPDATE: Wednesday, Oct 25, 2023 · 9:15:00 PM +00:00 · jtg
Several people have suggested home euthanasia for Anubis.
I found a local place called “Lap of Love”. They charge about $500, with $100 extra for evening or weekends.
I hope I don’t have to go that route. The vet does not charge that much, but it’s understandable.
I hope he passes quietly and his pain is gone.
#jtg
UPDATE: Wednesday, Oct 25, 2023 · 7:53:51 PM +00:00 · jtg
I recommend, if you are interested, that you bookmark this diary as I’ll be posting updates on Anubis’s condition here rather than posting new diaries.
The next diary will probably be his passing, followed sometime after that by his biography diary in a celebration of a cat’s life.
#jtg
Anubis is very close to the end.
Yesterday, the vet called to tell me his blood work showed Anubis had severe kidney failure. She said Anubis was not in pain, per se, but rather was just not feeling well.
She recommended euthanasia.
Since it was late in the day, I said I’d bring him the next morning, today, and broke down crying.
He won’t survive much longer, but I’m leaning towards allowing him to die naturally as long as he isn’t in obvious great pain. This is because he seems much better this morning.
The stress of packing him into the travel box and taking him to the vet, a place he knows means pain, seemed excessive. Being at home, with me hand-feeding him and being available for cuddles and rub until the end, seems better to me, as long as he is not in great pain.
Overnight, Anubis seems to have improved, a little. I got him to eat several tubes of “Delectables” along with some dry cat food. He had several tubes last night and this morning is two different sessions, he has eaten about 8 tubes. He might have eaten more but I was concerned about him eating too much at once and throwing up.
He has been getting up on his own and drinking water. For several days he seemed to have lost much control over his back legs, but this morning Anubis’s walking is almost back to normal. Perhaps this is due to my hand-feeding him.
He spends most of his time under my bedroom desk sleeping.
I have not slept well in weeks as I have been attending to Anubis. Last night I fell asleep in my living room recliner. I awoke to Anubis jumping upon me. I gave him a couple of tubes of Delectables and we cuddled for a while before he went back under the desk.
I’ve taken several days off from substitute teaching, which I really can’t afford, but some things are just too important.
After the vet called, I carried Anubis outside and we sat in the sun as the other three cats and the four dogs played. Anubis seemed content as he lay upon me and watched.
Anubis is much more than just a cat, and I’m going to write his story, now in progress.
I saved Anubis’s life when I found him starving and nearly dead as a tiny unweaned kitten. I raised Anubis into a beautiful big kitty, one of the largest I’ve ever had.
I chose the name Anubis because Anubis is the name of an Egyptian god, and Egyptians had a great liking for cats. This started a trend as I named his mother Hathor, and the next three cats who chose me became Apophis, Ma’at, and Khonsu.
I added “Maukat” to his name by taking the Egyptian word for cat, “Mau”, an adding -kat to it to form Maukat. So Anubis’s full name is Anubis Maukat Green.
Anubis was part of my joint experiences with Dad. Anubis was there when I was home alone crying during Dad’s deathwatch period. Anubis was there when I was at home alone after Dad died. During the times when I had very little money and I did not use the gas heat on the cold winter nights, he would lie on me as I cried in grief and despair.
The Anubis deathwatch brings up many memories and emotions from Dad’s deathwatch and afterward.
I’ll probably post another diary when Anubis finally passes. A bit after that I’ll post a full biography of Anubis, with me narrating it on a video.
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I want to thank those of you who have been a comfort to me in these times. I do not have very many people in my life. Not only is there extreme dysfunction in my biological family, they are all hundreds of miles away. It is very difficult to develop in-person relationships as a substitute teacher as I am moving from campus to campus and even when I’m on a single campus for a few weeks, I then move on and it may be months before I see anyone again. Plus developing work relationships into real friendships is also difficult. At my age, I don’t go out to public locations very much, and I’ve never been good at making small talk and developing relationships.
This is not a unique thing to me. In our modern culture, everyone seems to be too busy to take time to just be friends, and perhaps that is one reason I’m in such grief over the imminent loss of a cat.
Not everyone has been kind. One educator coworker has actually laughed at me in my grief telling me “Mister Green you’re so gloomy”. Another reacted to me telling them that my beloved cat was dying by telling me that there’s hope and when I pointed out that the massive cancer and lack of resources precluded a long-term recovery, she sharply said “Not with that attitude”. In short, she was victim-blaming in implying that when Anubis dies, it will be my fault for not having a positive attitude.
I also encountered this sort of attitude when Dad was dying. When my Aunt, Dad’s big sister, heard that I’d planned for Dad’s funeral, she got furious with me and shouted at me as though planning a funeral would be what caused Dad to die.
One person said to me, while Dad was dying, how stressful that was for me as I was going to see him every day and only going home when I was too tired to stay awake, “Why should it be affecting YOU when it’s happening to HIM.”
There are also people who are incapable of understanding how anyone could be so attached to an animal.
* * *
So now the Deathwatch continues. Anubis is currently sleeping, having eaten several delectibles and drank water. He seems comfortable, certainly more than yesterday. As long as he is not in obvious pain, I think I will let him just pass naturally without the stress of that final boxing and drive to the vet.
I’ve taken the rest of the week off, so I don’t have to go in again until Monday. If Anubis is still alive on Monday, then I’ll have to decide if I can leave him alone or need to take more time off.
At this point I’m writing to help my mental health.
If you read all that, thank you.
#jtg
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P.S. I’ve spent $2500 on diagnosis and treatments on Anubis. Plus I quit teaching Saturday school and I’ve taken several regular days off from subbing, further hitting my finances. I could use any help you can provide. In particular please join my Patreon.
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