This is one diary I wish I didn't have to write, but it is my sad duty to do so.
How do you deal with a personal loss so unthinkable that it literally causes you to stop functioning as a normal human being? If a wife or husband loses a life partner, they are called widows or widowers. When young children lose their parents, we refer to them as orphans. When a mother unexpectedly loses a precious child she brought into this world, what do you call her? Mere words are inadequate to describe such a loss.
Is any parent ever really prepared for this level of pain and grief? No, it is unfathomable. Shouldn't the younger generation live longer and experience life to the fullest just as their parents did? If there was any justice in the world, the answer would be yes. That is the one belief all of us, in the course of our lives, take for granted - until it isn't the case. As JFK famously said once, life isn't fair.
I'm sorry to inform you that this is exactly what happened to one of our community members just this past weekend. And for those of us who have known JoanMar for years on Daily Kos, we were deeply saddened to hear of her tragic loss.
Joan's eldest daughter started experiencing severe stomach pains last week and after examining her, doctors felt she might need surgery to remove an ulcer. They first put her on medication. Her condition improved, even as her blood pressure was a bit high. A day later, she thought that she would be released from the hospital. This past Saturday morning, she was gone. That's how quickly it happened.
How is anyone, let alone a mother, expected to deal with this shocking turn of events? Most of us wouldn't have a clue as to what to do next, particularly when barely surviving paycheck to paycheck with virtually no reserve funds for emergencies. In the America of today, tens of millions of people are only one catastrophic event away from financial disaster and ruin.
Here's the unenviable situation that Joan finds herself in: the funeral costs are going to be between $8,000-$10,000. Even if she is able to borrow about $4,000 from friends and family, she is going to need a minimum of $5,000 to give her daughter a decent burial. This is where we come in - her online brothers, sisters, and extended family.
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Fundraising Updates from JoanMar
I just got the first fundraising total update from Joan. She expresses her profound gratitude to the community for its wonderful outpouring of support. Most of you don't know this, but Joan has also been supporting other members of her real extended family for years. It would be fantastic if we could cover the entire costs associated with this funeral and not allow her to incur any debt whatsoever. Let's see if we can do it! Thank you, everyone.
Update #1 (Wednesday, August 26th): As of 8:47 pm Eastern Time, the fundraising total is $2,545.00!
Update # 2: Wow, this is simply amazing! As of 10:00 pm ET, we stand at $3585.44. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Update # 3: Fantastic! We've reached $6567.31 as of 11:00 pm ET. Let's keep it going, please. All of us on the fundraising team don't have the appropriate words to offer our thanks.
Update # 4: I simply cannot believe this. Your incredible generosity means the world to JoanMar and her family. As of 12:00 am, we are up to $7023.54!!!!
Update # 5 (Thursday, August 27th): Are you ready for this? The new fundraising total is $8676.77 as of 10:45 pm ET. Let's get this closer to $10,000. Thanks, everybody.
Look for additional updates in this diary by Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse - For our Sister JoanMar: Updated 2X. Thanks.
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I have known Joan not only through the Black Kos diaries (where she's one of the editors) and her active participation in community fundraisers for others, but also through the Daily Kos Group she started over two years ago,
Support the Dream Defenders. Through her persistent efforts, the group crowd sourced the
Michael Brown Over-Policed Rights Act to counter police brutality towards African-Americans and initiated the
Freedom of Information Act Project to advocate for Medicaid expansion in Republican-controlled states. When you work closely behind the scenes with someone for an extended period, you get a sense of that person's character and a better understanding of what makes them tick. I can say this without the slightest hesitation that Joan is a person of great decency, high integrity, and has a wicked sense of humor. Did I mention that she is also a wonderful writer, whose concern and empathy for others shines through in her postings?
Let me share a few personal messages from her Daily Kos family.
Angela Marx
I can't fully express my heartfelt condolences on this terrible loss, JoanMar. To add to it a huge cost for funeral services is cruel indeed. This is a time for those in our Community who can afford to help to do so. No one should have to beg or borrow to say a goodbye to their child, lost too soon.
One Pissed Off Liberal
Dearest JoanMar, I am so sorry to hear the tragic news about your daughter. My heart goes out to you and your family. Please be strong and know that your friends at Daily Kos have got your back. Love and blessings, my friend. OPOL
elenacarlena
JoanMar was one of those who welcomed me to DKos, mentored me in getting involved in groups, writing and getting my work noticed. She also donated generously when I was in financial straits. She's an amazingly good and strong person.
You know it can happen, but you never expect to lose a child. It's the definition of unthinkable. This has been such a shock. We can't make that pain go away, but we can make sure that JoanMar feels supported in this time of her greatest need. Please give as generously as your circumstances allow. If you can't donate financially, you can donate a Rec, republish to your groups, tip, comment, promote in open threads, uprate our promotions, promote in related diaries, do everything you can to bring more eyes here to this diary. Your donation of spreading the word is invaluable.
I feel like I lost a sister this week. I have a lump in my gut, another in my throat, and tears in my eyes. But I know this community will reach out generously to her.
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moviemeister76
I've been a member of Daily Kos since 2008, but I didn't think of this place as a community I actually belonged to until just a few years ago. Much of my sense of belonging here can be traced directly to JoanMar. In an online community where many of us never meet face to face, JoanMar often treats people here the way we tend to only expect when people interact in real life. If I haven't made a comment in a while, she asks if I'm all right. If she finds out I'm not feeling well, she makes sure to let me know she's thinking of me. If she disagrees with me, she lets me know in a way that shows that she still cares about me.
When I heard the tragic news, I felt tremendous sorrow. I wished I could offer her more than the cold comfort of oft-used words. When I found out she needed help to bury her daughter, I wanted to help any way I could. Even though I've never met her, JoanMar kinda feels like family. I can't imagine I am alone in this thought, which is why I hope others will be able to help this woman who has supported so many here for so long. She deserves to be able to bury her daughter.
Puddytat
I cannot imagine what it's like to suddenly lose a daughter. And then to have to notify friends and family of their shared loss through the tears and sobbing of your own profound grief while trying to comfort them. Making funeral arrangements while shock and anguish remain fresh is yet another unbearable burden and reminder of how much you have lost. Realizing that a decent burial is financially impossible magnifies that loss millions of times.
We cannot heal the heartbreak that JoanMar feels, but we can help to lift the financial burden and worry by coming together in her time of need. We've done it before whenever a community member needs help and we're here to do it again.
Please be generous in her time of sorrow and urgent need.
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Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse
DK is a community, we are family; when a member of our family is in need, we come together and do what we can to lighten what weighs them down, whatever it takes. We support folks we know, and those we have recently met. Because, we are family, it’s as simple and complex as that. JoanMar is always here for everyone, a sister reaching out to support with words and actions. She fights for friends and family and community and people she does not personally know. Joan established Support the Dream Defenders, fighting for justice across our nation. She fights with activism, she fights with advocacy expressed in her posts, and we, her family, can support her now, with our contributions, $$ and/or spreading word by sharing and tweeting. Sending you a big hug Joan wrapped in the deepest of love.
peregrine kate
A year ago this week, JoanMar published the first diary from the new group she founded at Daily Kos, Support the Dream Defenders. In the wake of Michael Brown’s murder, within days of his funeral, JoanMar went into action, bringing together activists who were committed to take the cause of justice off of the internet and into the legislative houses. In their first year, that group has also spearheaded the campaign to push—shame—the states that have rejected the Medicaid expansion into acknowledging just how many people are dying because they cannot afford to get medical care. From one of her diaries earlier this month
Fifty weeks! Fifty weeks since we decided that chronicling injustice cannot be enough. Fifty weeks since we decided that in addition to protests, and popular appeal, and voting we also needed to use the law as a weapon to fight back. "Heck," we thought, "ALEC is using the law to push their agenda, why can't we?"
The Michael Brown Over-Policed Rights Act (MBOPRA), and the #LetOurPoorPeopleLive Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) campaign came out of our determination to fight back with more than just words and outrage.
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JoanMar not only talks the talk, she walks the walk. She is fierce, smart, and strategic with her campaign; she has no time to waste. Yet she is also funny, thoughtful, and kind when conditions are fitting. In other words, JoanMar represents the best of what Daily Kos has to offer, on and off line.
So it is the cruelest, bitterest irony that she, a black woman who has been at the forefront of efforts to stand up for young black women and men, whose lives are immeasurably precious and all too vulnerable, should now have the immediate, personal experience of losing a beloved child prematurely and suddenly. Though her daughter’s death did not happen through violence, it is still out of the normal order for a mother to bury her child. It is an anguish that every parent dreads and wishes to be spared. Alas, now our dear JoanMar knows it all too well.
I hope that we can lift the least significant, if still heavy, part of her burden by helping with the funeral costs to lay her daughter to rest. Please contribute what you can, and share the request widely. Thank you.
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Black Kos Community
The below message was posted in this diary by Denise Oliver Velez on behalf of the entire Black Kos Community, including editors, members, readers, and friends.
We have very sad news to share with you all today. Our Sister JoanMar lost her daughter, after a sudden illness.
She who has given her all to us, who has inspired us to care for, and act for those who need defending, needs our help, prayers and support today.
JoanMar is not only a Black Kos Editor, and member of the Black Kos Community. She is our sister and our friend.
She needs funds for the funeral. She cannot do this alone. We want her to know, that she is not going to have to do this by herself.
Send her your love, and please send her what you can.
With Love,
Her Black Kos Family.
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As others have stated so eloquently, Joan has been like a sister to so many of us. Please help Joan and her family in this hour of need. As a reminder, we need to raise at least $5,000 to allow her daughter a dignified burial.
On behalf of the entire fundraising team, thank you very much for your support.
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Please Help JoanMar Pay for Her Daughter's Funeral
- Go to PayPal.com. Click Send Money to Family and Friends, which allows the recipient to get 100% of the donation. Enter JoanMar's email address nevfai@optonline.net and amount you are sending. The sender's name is visible to the recipient. Remember, every little bit helps and adds up in a hurry.
- If you would like to send a paper check or money order (to protect your real identity) through the US Mail, please send a Kosmail to elenacarlena to get the mailing address. As you can understand, Joan's going to be tied up with making funeral arrangements.
- You can also help by recommending all diaries posted during this fundraiser, offering encouraging comments, republishing to your Daily Kos groups, linking to your Facebook pages, and helping to spread the word through Twitter.
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